Why Didn't I Always Do This?

It's too bad I have been bitter and lazy my whole life when it comes to taking on new things and challenges...take, for example, my favorite sport: hockey.

I've always watched it a lot more than I played it. I seriously feel I know the game, as a spectator, better than almost anyone else. But, for some reason, whenever faced with the opportunity to play the sport throughout my life, I was somewhat resistant.

My love for hockey spawns to my dad's purchase of season tickets back when I was 3. The UMass: Lowell River Hawks played games at Tully Forum in Chelmsford, Mass., a short 20 minute drive from my town. Season tickets game out to about 4 bucks a seat, and from my father's perspective, it was the best (and cheapest) way to see live hockey each week throughout the winter.

Admittedly, not until we went to the games for a few seasons did I actually start paying attention to the game at hand. While for the first few years, I was always asking my dad "did they score?" each time the crowd stood up and cheered, I slowly began to develop an appreciation for what was happening in front of me. The few times I had tried to skate during the winter on frozen Bare Hill Pond in my town, I always ended up stumbling along, my skate blades at nearly a forty-five degree angle, pointing away from my body. Even most Floridians know that isn't the way to skate. My time spent on ice, and time spent literally, ON the ice was not a favorable ratio.

I would sometimes stand in the driveway at my father's old apartment complex and "stick-handle" at a rapid rate, a speed which I was convinced was faster than any player college or professional could achieve. "I'll be playing for UMass: Lowell one day" I thought to myself.

But, I still didn't do much. I continued to sit by my father at every home game, and watch on television, or listen on AM radio to every away game. I would scamper into my bedroom during intermissions and commercial breaks to pray to God that UMass: Lowell would win this game, and if they did, I would never again ask for anything else...needless to say, I asked every game for a couple of years.

When the River Hawks made the move from Tully Forum to brand new Tsongas Arena in downtown Lowell, my dad forefeited his season tickets. To fund the cost of the new building, the school chose to mark up season ticket prices considerably...this did seem to be the right move at the time, considering Tully had sold out every game for seasons on end. However, my dad's interest waned in the UMass: Lowell hockey team (so did most other fans'), therefore causing my interest to fall by the same margin. We reached a certain point where the most time we invested in the team was checking its place in the Hockey East standings in the weekend Lowell Sun.

While my interest in the River Hawks was decreasing, my involvement in the professional game was on the rise. Throughout my childhood, my dad told me that college hockey was better and college players tried harder. While I do agree to some of that being partly true to this very day, I think it was more my father's way of saying he wasn't going to pay the same price for two tickets for one professional game that he paid for season long tickets at a lower level. But, Dave Shea's away game broadcasts on UPN did grab my attention.

A week or so ago, I bought rollerblades. I dabbled with the thought of "roller hockey" for a littel while during my childhood, enrolling in a sort of 'camp' when I was around twelve. I never got too serious...the program was not a team, it was simply an elementary education. Fun took priority over actual learning, which was fine, because fun was all I really knew.

But something surprised me when I put on the rollerblades a week ago. It almost felt as if I had seriously skated before. I had no problem picking up speed, making quick turns, and coming to a slow stop. It wasn't much of a problem to get a good wrist shot off and shoot the ball top corner. It was almost as if I really had "played" this game before.

I seriously believe that hockey is something in my blood, and that I should never stop pursuing. It is the only thing in my life that has blessed me with talent, simply because of my knowledge through observance. "It's not as easy as it looks" was something told to me and proven to me throughout my life. But, now, I think I found something. A simple craft that touches upon my dreams and makes them seem like reality just for a moment. Right now as I write this, being an NHL hockey player is an impossiblity. But when I'm skating, it's not.

Anyone Else Think the Same Way I Do?

I hate complication. It doesn't make me feel good, it never seems to make other people feel good...therefore, I hate it. I do without it whenever possible.

Whenever I sit back, maybe have a few drinks, smoke a J, I think about life, in general. I would say I picture my life as if it was on GoogleMaps. I start out zoomed in, right there in that moment, and then I zoom out to what was before and what is after. I reminisce about the happy past, and dream bright about the future. I make up new scenarios, as to what would have happened or where I would be, if I made my decisions a little bit differently. I think ahead to what may be to come, and fantasize far beyond anything that seems to ever be within my reach. And then the alcohol wears off, the THC puts me into a progressively deeper state of relaxation, and eventally sleep. I acknowledge the beauty of my thoughts and call it a night.

I am puzzled by my friends and neighbors who talk to me and say things such as, "Harvard sucks, I can't wait to get out of here" (Harvard, Massachusetts is my hometown) with little remorse for their words. It's a small town, one "without much to do", but why is it that people can't be satisfied with the little things? Is it honestly impossible for some people to go for a walk and realize the pure enchantment in their surroundings? Sure, maybe you've seen these same surroundings your whole life, but that doesn't matter. Think of it as repeating one, singular word twenty times quickly. By the time you've said the word ten times, it's lost all of its meaning. So, in essence, it's like a new, unrecognizable word. Why not the same for a part of nature you are seemingly one with? Maybe if you look at it for long enough, your mind will erase its monotonous perception and you can see something you've never taken the time to find before.

When I was speaking with a friend of mine last summer and I was talking about my upcoming semester away from school, I told him about a revelation I had: With a job, and with a good head, I could live anywhere. My parents being divorced since I was three, having the tendency to throw me back and forth between residences without a care, left me with a constant feeling of entrapment until I had last summer's conversation. It wasn't until I made my life into something like GoogleMaps and looked at that (I know it's cliche) "big picture" before I realized I wasn't trapped at all; it was only my mind misperceiving familiar surroundings. I could apply right now, at this very moment, for a job in Los Angeles, California, get it, move out into an apartment, and support myself on that job. And, I think I could be happy. After all, happiness is just a mental state, which are often misperceptions of reality anyways.

While the past few paragraphs may have seemed dark at points, it's meant to push at something anything but bleak. When something gets you down, if you have an occurrence in your life which seems crushing and back-breaking, you still have a past and you still have a future. When you sleep at night, you dream. A dream can be about your future. The only difference is, your future is better. Before you shut your eyes each night, maybe you think about something you'd like to dream about. Chances are, you won't dream about what you want. But, your future, that's all you want it to be. So, right now, take a second and think about what you want your future to be. It's the only dream that you'll always have.

Deal or No Deal: The World Takes a Step Backwards

In December of 2005, NBC began airing a television show, starring "famed" 5'6" comedian Howie Mandel, entitled "Deal or No Deal."

The first time I watched the show I didn't get it. Not "didn't get it" in the sense that it involved too much matter for my brain to comprehend, but I just didn't get what was so special about this show...it's as if they eliminated all aspects of a game show which qualify it as entertaining, and kept the prize part. It didn't matter whether the contestant had the "knowledge" or creativity to snag the prize, it was, under every definition of the word: LUCK!

Yet, for some reason, everyone started talking about this show. I don't mean my friends...hell, I think no one individual really wants to bring themselves to admitting they enjoy viewing this show, but all the talk show hosts were talking about it. SNL was busting out "DOND sketches" left and right. There were lame jokes about it going around (with the always necessary 'I don't actually watch the show' claim immediately proceeding). For some reason, it was obvious, people did like the show.

Two years before, the United States (and much of the world) had become hooked on a game show with Regis Philbin called "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" Regis is another one of those guys everyone makes fun of, and no one admits to liking...they seem popular with game shows (see Richard Karn, John O'Hurley, Bob Saget, John McEnroe, and that's only in my time). I didn't really get this show either...it was so simplified; I thought TOO simplified. One guy sits in a chair, the contestant (sometimes gleeful, other times dull) sits in a chair opposite Regis and answers up to 15 multiple choice questions on their way to a cool 1 million. Until the person actually made it to six digits, it didn't seem that grand anyways...after all, the whole attraction to the show is supposed to be the huge sum of money, but we've all seen up to $100,000 before on Dick Clark's famous "100,000 Pyramid" (even though I never actually saw the full amount reached).

Not until I saw a random commercial did I realize what was so great about "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." It made you think that anyone, and by anyone, it seriously meant you, could win $1,000,000 over a 60 minute television show. Who can't admit that you convinced either yourself or your parents to pick up the phone once or twice after a show to call the "contestants line" which apparently got you onto the show to try for the big prize? Millions (yep, that's how many other people were trying to call at the SAME TIME) of people picked up the phone because they really felt like they had a shot to do it. And, if this time, all they got was a busy signal, there was always the next show to watch, dream, and yes, try calling again.

So, there it was, simplicity. That was the key to game show success. Although the president of ABC eventually admitted to "overexposing Millionaire", the show was on five nights a week, for what seemed like the majority of two years. Don't remember any other game show in my time ever doing that. The SIMPLICITY of the show won people over. And, it's the exact same way with Deal or No Deal.

But, at least, I felt like everyone who won the big bucks on Millionaire "deserved" to win it. No guy off the street could just walk in and answer a question about the Roman Empire and who was its official third ruler was, without some prior knowledge and an interesting life story (which the show did do a good job in telling during pauses). Deal or No Deal really does let ANYONE win. And that is sad. We, as a society, don't really care about who is worthy. While our religions do tell us not to judge, we have become obsessed with a culture that rewards people for next to nothing, yet fails to assist people who have done so much. I know it's just a game show, but when you dig deep down, is it not a tad bit frustrating to know that some complete dumbass won 1,000,000 after taking offers that any sane person WOULD HAVE TAKEN! To me it is, and that's why I hate that show.

To everyone's displeasure, the primetime version of Deal or No Deal was cancelled a few weeks ago and will now be airing in syndication on GSN periodically and other networks which choose to purchase the rights from "Universal". So for those of you, LIKE MYSELF, who despise the show, the baton was just passed to, hopefully, the last runner.

A bit of awful news, Deal or No Deal completely robbed a couple of "Lingo" spots on GSN's lineup. Shameful, considering Lingo was a show that was incredibly simple (and lucky), yet took just a shred of knowledge. Simplicity wins over, my friends. In show business, knowledge now means nothing.